Friday, February 29, 2008

Leap Days Are Good

50 degrees in February is really good.

Oh, the Drama...

The big kids are upstairs cleaning their rooms, including their bathrooms (...a topic for a whole different post). They both came rushing downstairs a few minutes ago to tell me that "THERE IS A SNAPPING BEETLE BEHIND M'S TOILET!!!!!!" And "WILL YOU COME KILL IT?!"

First of all? A snapping beetle?! Where did they come up with that? What the hell is a snapping beetle?

Second of all? It was the world's smallest silverfish. And it was already dead.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Pinky and the Brain

I don't know this show. Wikipedia tells me that it aired from 1993-ish to 1998 on The WB. I graduated from college in 1993 and by 1998, I was a practicing attorney engaged to be married. You might understand how I missed it. Anyway, it now shows on Toon Disney and, somehow, my kids have found it...

Question for my reader (or readers?) who watched this one the first time around - i.e. people born in the '80's : Is it appropriate for my 5 and 6 year old? I do find the accent funny.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Lenten Lessons

The kids learned the Crucifixion story tonight at CCD. I just adore quizzing them about what they learned. They invariably get something twisted and it's too funny. Occasionally blasphemous, sure. But usually good for a laugh. Heh. I guess that makes me a little twisted.

Tonight, they played with something called Resurrection Eggs. These are apparently plastic Easter eggs with some Easter/Crucifixion/Resurrection symbol inside - to facilitate discussion of the story. So, I asked the kids what kinds of things were inside the eggs. I was told "things that the bad men used on Jesus because they thought he was mean."

"Like what?", I asked.

"Like cloths, and a whip."

"And a wine glass for wine." (This is where I started to get confused as I don't remember the "bad men" pouring glasses of wine at the Crucifixion - at least it's not one of the Stations of the Cross...)

"What else?", I wondered.

"Oh, you know, that crown of itchy, scratchy thorns. I will never ever touch a rose bush because of those thorns, you know. Ouch!"

"And there was a rock because they buried Jesus in a cave and put a rock in front of it. But he got out. Did you know that Mom? That he got out? Do you think Dad knows that?"

"And dice were in there too."

"Dice? What were those for?", I asked, not recalling the full story.

"The bad men tortured Jesus' clothes with dice." *

"Really? Tortured his clothes?"


The Word of the Lord.

* In fact, the Roman soldiers threw dice to see which of them would win Jesus' seamless tunic.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Eternal Sunshine?

G, for some reason, has been having trouble keeping the twins straight lately. Now, they have lived with us for a year. They are not identical. Not by a long shot. But all of the sudden their names are a problem. I tend to believe that it is because G basically ignores the babies to the best of his ability. Unless they are sucking on one of G's Transformers or inadvertently changing from NickToons to BET whilst chewing on the remote, G steers clear of the babies. Add that to some basic attention/distraction issues and voila! he refers to them as "that baby" or "this baby."

After a few days of this, he finally keyed in last night and started really engaging with the babies, calling them very specifically by their correct names.

When I asked him how he was able to remember their names now, he - all of six years old - said:

"I don't know, Mom. It just, just ... comes out of my unconscious mind!"

Twins and Statistics

Here is C, opening his eyes wide and showing off his super-pretty eyelashes in an attempt to distract you from both the remnants of dinner covering his face and, oh, also from that other child sitting slightly behind him and to the right.

Here is H, typically trying his hardest to ignore C and give me the worst possible angle of his face. It is often hard to ignore C - as you might guess.

And now, a statistic for Cara:

As I was changing the second poopy diaper of the morning (pre-7:30 a.m.) and lamenting the fact that I have probably two more years of double diaper duty, I estimated that, by the time these guys are out of diapers, I will have changed somewhere in the neighborhood of 10,000 dirty diapers over the course of all four kids. That is really f-ing depressing. And gross. And a whole lot of poo.

I Haven't Asked if It's No-Kill

M is currently playing "animal shelter" on the stairs. There are a lot of lambs and bears in need of good homes, people.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Dewey Donation System

I just want to mention this, because it is awesome.

The Dewey Donation System is an online book drive, organized yearly to benefit libraries in need. In the past, it has benefitted domestic libraries which have lost funding, schoolchildren in India affected by the tsunami and libraries destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. You can donate money or you can actually buy a book from the library's Amazon wish list and have it shipped to the library.

Check it out:

This is Going Too Fast

M, a preschooler, said to me today: "Mom, I want to get my ears peered. So I can wear real earrings and not the plastic kind that clip."

Me, completely unprepared for this conversation: Oh. Do you know anyone who has their ears pierced?

M: You.

Me: I mean, anyone who is a kid.

M, completely anticipating my argument: Lana, at school. And she is only three!

Me: Hmmm.

Now, did I explain to her that Lana has a different cultural background than we do and that probably accounts for Lana's three year old pierced ears? Umm, not today.

Me: Well, different moms let their kids get their ears pierced at different times. I don't think I'll probably let you get yours pierced until you're 10.

M: Oh.

[a minute or so passes]

M: Does it hurt to get your ears peered?

Me: Yep. It doesn't hurt afterwards, but when they're actually doing it? It hurts. Kind of like a shot.

M: Oh.

[another minute passes]

M: Mom, I think I changed my mind. I don't want to get my ears peered.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

To Mac Users...

I am not retarded. I do have four children. Really, I do.

It has come to my attention however that my oldest child does not show up in the banner photo when using Safari as your browser. Does anyone know how to fix this? I do not. Okay, so maybe I am retarded.*

* I apologize for the use of such a politically incorrect word. I would NEVER use it to describe anyone but myself. And maybe my husband...alright definitely my husband.


The big kids each got a rosary last night at religion class. Of course, they were wearing them like necklaces when I picked them up. I don't say the rosary, so the kids have no idea really what they are. M, for some reason, pronounces the word like this: rose - a - REE (instead of ROSE - aree).

Just listen (turn up your volume and click the 'play' arrow):

It makes me giggle every time for some reason.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

More Word Play

On the way to school just now, my kids were talking about what the clouds looked like. G decided one looked like an arm. Then M came up with this one:

"That one looks like a lion eating a pizzelle"

G: "You mean, a gazelle?"

M: "Yes, a gazelle. Or maybe a zebra."

G: "Mom, what do zebras eat?"

Me: "I don't really know. They look a little like horses - so maybe they eat grass like horses."

G: "Mom, that's humiliating."

Oh, and here's a pizzelle:

Here's a gazelle:

Big difference.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Who Knows Where It Comes From?

Tonight as I was helping G get ready for bed, I asked him if he needed me to undo his belt. He had his shirt off and was wearing just his corduroys. In response to my question, he looked at me, patted his belly and said:

"Looks like I'd better lay off those corn chips, huh Mom."

I don't buy Fritos and I've never in my life called a tortilla chip a "corn chip." So I'm truly at a loss for words...he's just on a roll today, I guess.

Words are Pretty Keen

My six year old is prone to using archaic slang, due largely to his love of the retro cartoon channel Boomerang. One day in the Target checkout line, he told me that something was "nifty" and "swell", prompting the lady in front of us to turn around and ask if my son was Beaver Cleaver. Last week, he looked at my husband while eating dinner and said, "So, whatcha doin', Pa?" Note: my son's name is not Laura Ingalls Wilder and we do not live in the country.

Today, my mother came over to take the kids to lunch. Attempting to get their 5 and 6 year old butts moving, she called to G, asking if he was coming.

My kindergartener's response to his grandmother? "Coming, sweetheart!"

Friday, February 15, 2008

My Boy Has Talent...

Who knew that he could be so crafty as to get this single Honey Nut Cheerio to stick perfectly between his eyes for 15 minutes straight, while playing and talking and engaging in general troublemaking? He's talented, I tell you.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Who Knew He was so Friggin Smart?

G sent an email to his aunt today, wishing her a happy birthday. He typed it himself. It was very cute, complete with misspellings. He "luv"s her.

Anyway, after he hit the Send button, I said, "There it goes!" And he said, "It's going over the telegraph wires all the way to her house and the telegram message will type out at her house after it comes out of the telegraph wires." I laughed and asked him where he learned about telegraphs and telegrams. I was sure he would tell me something like Tom and Jerry. He told me that he "thought of it in [his] brain." I thought, "How cute! My son has reinvented the telegraph machine 170 years after it was first invented."

Actually, I didn't know that it was 170 years old at the time. I looked that up. Imagine my surprise when I looked it up - thank you Wikipedia - and found that "[t]elegraphy includes recent forms of data transmission such as fax, email, and computer networks in general. (A telegraph is a machine for transmitting and receiving messages over long distances, i.e., for telegraphy. The word telegraph alone generally refers to an electrical telegraph)."

So, as I giggled at his suggestion that his email message was traveling "over the telegraph wires," it turns out that the six year old wasn't all that wrong...

Our Sad Snowman

My kids wanted to find buttons for his front and coal for his eyes. They settled for dead, frozen berries from a tree in the yard for his front and Miller Lite bottle caps for his eyes. What an idyllic childhood they have... Oh, and a clothes pin for his nose. And you might be thinking "Is that a twist-tie for his mouth?" If you are thinking that, you are correct. Our awesome little midget snowman.

My Best Boyfriend

Okay, I have a confession to make. I actually have five funny kids. One of them just happens to be 38 years old. But he's wicked good at the Star Wars Lego game and Madden on XBox and also at the XBox bass fishing game and, of course, at Guitar Hero. He spends way too much time downloading music. And he really likes buying cool gadgets. And cars. And playing his guitars and drums.

And he is funny.

Also? A pain in the ass.

But he's mine. And I don't think I'll trade him in.

Here he is with his band. They played this weekend - and had a lot of fun.

[click on the first picture to see them better; J is on the left under the ND flag.]

Isn't he cute?

Thursday, February 7, 2008

A Normal Dinner Conversation

During dinner tonight:

G: Mom, who is the president?
Me: George W. Bush
G: Oh. What is a mer-man?
Me: I guess I don't know really. A boy mermaid?
G: I guess so.
(very short pause)
G: Mom, did you know that orangutans are nocturnal?
Me: No, I didn't know that.
G: Nocturnal is another word for oversleeping.
M (unable to stay out of the action): Bats are nocturnal.
G: And earwigs are too. They're nocturnal.
M: What are earwigs?
G: They're insects.
M: How did you know that?
G: It just came from my brain. See? [motioning to his head]
M: It looks kind of little. Like a dinosaur brain. Did you know that dinosaurs have very little brains?

And it went on and on like this. I just lost track of the dialogue. If I hadn't been corraling the babies, I would have just sat down and transcribed it. Maybe I need a court reporter.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Mexican, Italian, What's the Difference?

We had quesadillas for dinner tonight. I asked what everyone wanted on their plate to accompany the quesadilla.

M: I'll have sour cream and ravioli.

Me: You mean guacamole?