Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Okay, fine. I'll post something.

I received a not-so-subtle email this morning, lodging an "OFFICIAL COMPLAINT" that this blog hasn't been updated since August. Thanks for the kick in the ass, friend who used to clean the popcorn machine and rewind VHS tapes with me at the video store we worked at in high school. (And that, dear readers, will tell you approximately how old I am. I worked at a video store that rented VHS tapes - and had a creepy porn section in the back corner and no one apparently thought it was weird that high school kids stocked, rewound and sold from that section daily. And remember that time when we had to pull all of the Traci Lords tapes because it came out that she was underage? Okay, enough about the video store.)

I would say sorry for the digression but it's actually frighteningly on-topic. You'll see.

Earlier this school year, I gifted my 10-year-old son with my trusty Merriam-Webster dictionary. The edition that saw me through late elementary, junior high, high school, college, law school (supplemented by Black's Law Dictionary) and life. I believe it has my maiden name in fifth-grade scrawl inside the front cover.

He needed it for spelling assignments - write the definition, use the word in a sentence-type stuff.

At Christmas, I gifted the same son with an iPod Touch with which he was immediately obsessed. He became a voracious YouTube consumer. Mostly, Japanese animation and Power Rangers.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I walked into his room one morning to make sure he was getting ready for school. He was sitting on the floor, hunched over the dictionary. I asked him what he was doing. "Just looking up the word 'dildo'," he said nonchalantly.

"Hmm. Where'd you hear that word, buddy?"


"Hmm. Well, you better close the book and get ready for school, please."

And I left.

And he never said another word about it. Thank God.

I am a coward and clearly not cut out for parenthood.

(On another day, he told me he needed to look up "porno". We are currently in the midst of an indefinite YouTube ban in our house.)

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